My book, Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle, was released last month. Through e-mail, Facebook, and personal correspondence, I’m thrilled to hear reports of lives being changed.

What I’ve discovered, however, is that encouraging some people to read a book about porn and sex addiction can be a rather touchy subject. For these folks it’s not the the kind of book to leave out on the coffee table, or read on an airplane. After all, what would people think?

For those who don’t struggle with porn it might be like What I’ve discovered, however, is that encouraging some people to read a book about porn and sex addiction can be a rather touchy subject. For these folks it’s not the the kind of book to leave out on the coffee table, or read on an airplane. After all, what would people think?

For those who don’t struggle with porn it might be like living in North America and hearing about the disappearance of the South American rainforest. I don’t live in South America, so it doesn’t pertain to me, they might say. The fact of the matter is that it does  pertain to you.

Whether you’ve never seen porn (congratulations you are an outlier), or whether you spend all day using, porn is an issue which Christians can no longer avoid. it is an issue that we must understand.  It’s an issue which we need to begin talking about.

Below I share seven reasons why porn pertains to every Christian, and why my book will help you understand the rel issues, even if porn has never been an issue.

Porn has become the new second hand smoke.

Medical science has recently shown that second hand smoke can present as many health risks as someone who is an actual smoker. You don’t have to smoke to be adversely affected by cigarettes. Porn, like second hand smoke, is all around us.  Whether we view porn or not, we are constantly being bombarded by the various messages of porn. And we are constantly being desensitized to the reality of porn as a form of entertainment based on exploitation and degradation.studying for a math test when When a subject doesn’t pertain to you, what’s the point of reading a book about it.  The fact of the matter is that porn does pertain to you. Whether you’ve never seen porn (congratulations you are an outlier), or whether you spend all day using, porn is an issue which Christians can no longer avoid. Even more, it is an issue that we must understand.  It’s an issue which we need to begin talking about.

Below I share seven reasons why porn pertains to every Christian, and why my book will help you understand the rel issues, even if porn has never been an issue.

Porn has become the new second hand smoke.

Medical science has recently shown that second hand smoke can present as many health risks as someone who is an actual smoker. You don’t have to smoke to be adversely affected by cigarettes. Porn, like second hand smoke, is all around us.  Whether we view porn or not, we are constantly being bombarded by the various messages of porn. And we are constantly being desensitized to the reality of porn as a form of entertainment based on exploitation and degradation.

Porn has become the new cultural norm and Christians can no longer afford to be naive.

Regardless of our beliefs and values, and whether we support a “war on pornography,” porn is here to stay. It has become part of the landscape of Western culture. Putting our proverbial head in the sand only re

Consider the following real life scenarios

• President Clinton recently posed for a photo opp with two porn stars–the photo went viral.
• Hugh Hefner (Founder of Playboy) starred in a Carl’s Junior hamburger commercial–a porn producer entered the mainstream.
• Anyone born after 1990 has grown up with porn available on demand–no charge, no public embarrassment, no waiting.
• Men in their 20′s regularly take Viagra and Cialis due to porn induced impotence.
• 70% of Christian men and as many as 40% of Christian women report struggling with porn

Porn is an issue which Christianity has failed to address beyond “just say no.”

Although the last few years have brought an i

Porn is molding an entire generation of children and teens.

• Average age of first exposure to porn is eleven years old
• Pre-teens and teens are more neurologically vulnerable to porn addiction
• C

Porn is statistically an active struggle for someone you know and love.

Porn is a confusing and polarizing issue and Surfing for God clearly describes the roots of the problem and debunks unhelpful myths.

Porn is not actually about sex.

Take and read….

Surfing for God is not just another book telling men to “just say no.”  If you are a father, husband, brother, mother, wife, sister, friend, mentor, disciple-maker, pastor, missionary, this is a book you need to read. And even if you have never struggled with porn, you might just be surprised to learn that when it comes to brokenness, the underlying issues are often the same.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but apparently what happens in Cartagena doesn’t stay doesn’t stay in Colombia. The New York Times reported this week that 11 of President Obama’s bodyguards, along with a handful of military personnel were involved in hiring prostitutes while on assignment to protect the president.

President Obama has given no comment, however, responses from Washington were predictable. Gen. Douglas Fraser, commander of the Southern Command, said in a statement that he is “disappointed by the entire incident and that this behavior is not in keeping with the professional standards expected of members of the United States military.”

Really?  Soldiers using prostitutes is scandalous to a military general?  Travel anywhere in the world near a US military base, and eventually you will find a buffet of sex-for-hire options. To be sure, not all soldiers use prostitutes. But just like beaches are surrounded by surfboard shops, where there are men in uniform there will be strip clubs and massage parlors, bars and brothels.

Daniel Bongino, a former Secret Service agent with the presidential protection division,  said “This story is shocking to me. I hope it doesn’t tarnish the agency.” Tarnish free agency would be nice, however, the United States, and President Obama may be the only ones sullied by the incident.  Or will they? Is there really a scandal here? Or has prostitution, and sex-for-hire become the new normal? The only thing shocking about this whole episode is that these men known for stealth and bravery got caught.

The G-Men behaving badly incident caught my attention because I am a former consumer in the sex industry. From 1988 to 1994, prior to my recovery from sex addiction, I paid for sex in various forms (see my story here). Coincidentally, this week I will be speaking to a national anti-sex trafficking group. The title of my talk is “Real Men Don’t Buy Sex.”

First, the incident in Colombia reveals the obvious.  A large percentage of men are consumers in the sex for hire industry. No matter where in the world you go, men hire prostitutes.  And it’s not just dirty old men who can’t get any at home. It’s men in leadership whose public image, and perhaps even public mission is toward justice, equality, and human rights.  It’s easy to think that the prostitution and sex for hire industry exists to meet demand for some nameless, hypothetical clientele.  But the men who use prostitutes are far from nameless.  They are young and old, poor and rich, religious and irreligious, handsome and homely.

The second thing I think of is a double standard.  Borgino, a former secret service agent who now serves in internal affairs

C.S. Lewis once wrote, “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a wonderful idea, until they have something to forgive.”  The same might be said of the idea of asking forgiveness. It is a wonderful idea. Until we have something for which we need to ask forgiveness.

Today, I am asking women around the world for forgiveness.

I’m not doing so in order to clear my conscience. I’m not doing it as a Fifth Step in a Twelve Step Recovery Program. And I’m not asking forgiveness as some kind of a publicity stunt. So why am I asking forgiveness?

In 1994 I began a journey of recovery from sexual addiction. Prior to this time I lied, manipulated, and used women to selfishly feed my compulsion. I consumed women in an “industry” whose raw materials are women, and whose precious commodity is sexual conquest. From porn to prostitution, and everything in between, the common denominator through my actions was an utter disregard for the dignity and personhood of the women before me.

Twenty years after the fact, having experienced a miraculous recovery, I am heartbroken. My heart breaks for the women that I used to feed my selfish desire. My heart breaks for women, whatever the reason, who provide some kind sex for pay. My heart breaks that we live in a world where women are treated as if their only real value is to gratify men’s sexual desire.

Only now do I  realize that some of the women I exploited  were probably victims of sex trafficking. Forced to live as  human slaves. Consequently, when I read news articles, blogs, and social media advocating for the end of  human slavery, it get’s personal fast.

Granted, not every woman in the sex industry has been trafficked or enslaved. But every woman in the industry is a casualty within a system of sexual free enterprise. In such a system, supply is contingent upon demand. In the language of sexual economics, I was the demand fueling supply–a link in the massive chain holding women captive.

The things I’ve done and the ways in which I’ve related to women are simply unacceptable. And yet, increasingly, through porn and the glorification of the sex industry, what was once unacceptable is quickly becoming a celebrated norm.

By asking forgiveness I don’t want to be let off the hook. And I’m certainly not asking any woman to “forgive and forget.” What I’m hoping is that by asking forgiveness, both women and men will begin to experience healing.

The words below are directed to women far beyond the sex industry. Every woman has experienced sexism and wounding at the hands of men.

If you are a man…

I encourage you to read the words below. Ask yourself how the words apply to you (even if you have never paid for sex or used porn). Do the words resonate? How have you wounded women knowingly or unknowingly? To whom might you need to ask forgiveness? 

If you are a woman…

I encourage you to read the words below.  Allow them to sink into your heart. Ask yourself how the words apply to you. What do the words stir inside of you? Who are the men in your story who have  wounded you? To whom might you need to offer forgiveness? 

Dear Woman,

I stand before you as an imperfect man to offer words of apology to you, my sister in humanity. I apologize for the harm inflicted upon you by men; by my brothers, by my forefathers, by me. In my own brokenness, shame, and selfish need, my words and actions have become links in a chain that bind you. In the same way, my lack of words and actions have fostered injustice against you.

For this I ask forgiveness.

I speak on behalf of all men who have wronged you and harmed you. I am your brother, your father, your uncle, your grandfather, your husband.  I am your neighbor, your friend, your boyfriend, your teacher. I am your coach, your counselor, your pastor. I apologize for the ways in which men have exploited you, disrespected you, diminished you,  abandoned you, and despised you because you are a woman. 

For this I ask forgiveness.

I apologize for how men have violated your rights, not respecting your inherent dignity and worth as a person to fulfill your God-given destiny. I apologize for how men have violated, abused, and used your body as well–not  honoring you or appropriately protecting you. I’m sorry that men have treated you as an object, especially as a sexual object. 

For this I ask forgiveness.

In my own brokenness and selfish need, I have treated you as a sexual object and used you sexually. I’m grieved for how seeing and treating you as an object caused you to doubt your own worth and beauty, and perhaps to despise your own body. 

For this I ask forgiveness. 

I am sorry for the ways in which sexual exploitation, control, disrespect, and devaluing, has contributed to many kinds of violence against women and caused you to feel unsafe in this world.

For this I ask forgiveness.

I apologize for how sacred religious texts have been used by men to control you, oppress you, and “put you in your place.”  I apologize for how men have relegated you from leadership, commerce, and positions of influence. I apologize for how men have been threatened by your strength, insight, intuition, and wisdom. I am sorry for how we have diminished your voice and have not listened to your wisdom.

For all of these sins I ask forgiveness.  

And now, Dear Woman, I bless you and honor you as a person. I bless you and honor you as my equal in humanity. I bless you and honor you as a woman–one inherently worthy of respect, opportunity, and equality of rights.

Finally, I will labor to make this blessing a reality. I will stand against misogyny in all its forms, and and at every opportunity use my voice for good on behalf of all women around the world. 

On behalf of all men everywhere, 

Michael John Cusick
Littleton, Colorado
United States of America
www.surfingforgodbook.com 

What are your thoughts, feelings, and response to what I’ve written and asked of women? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Yesterday I spoke with a man who was considering attending the Sex, Desire, and God Intensive Workshop on November 29 to December 2nd.

He had done a significant amount or recovery work related to his porn addiction. Though he had maintained “sobriety” for some time, he somehow knew he wasn’t actually free–that the deeper issues were still unaddressed.

At the end of our conversation it was clear to him that there was still some work that needed to be done. Not only did this man sign up, but he decided to invite another man from church.

So how will the Sex, Desire, and God Intensive Workshop benefit you?

Whether you are taking the first step toward healing, or whether you are further along on the journey, here are ten benefits of attending.

1. You will participate in live instruction from Michael Cusick, author of Surfing for God, and nationally recognized expert in the healing of sexual addiction and sexual brokenness.
2. You will discover the emotional, relational, and spiritual roots of your compulsive and out of control behavior.
3. You will recognize the legitimate thirsts and desires beneath your struggle.
4. You will learn how to connect the reality of your thirsts and desires to your relationship with God.
5. You will identify your soul brokenness and connect how it relates to acting out sexually.
6. You will understand how shame keeps you locked in a vicious cycle of sexual sin.
7. You will demolish spiritual strongholds–shame based beliefs and lies.
8. You will discover the neurological realities of porn addiction to  ”reboot” and “rewire” your brain.
9. You will establish a plan to continue your journey to freedom.
10. You will participate in an experience that will change your life.

This afternoon I dropped off my vacuum at the repair shop. Displayed rather prominently near the cashier was a vacuum that boasted to be “life changing.”

A vacuum that’s life changing. Really?

In the last few years I’ve heard people tell me their iPhone or iPad was life changing. I’ve heard others tell me that a vacation or a significant event was life changing. To be sure, we live in an age where hyperbole flows like milk at a dairy convention.

At Restoring the Soul we facilitate life changing moments. In fact, for almost ten years our mission statement has been to provide life changing soul care. But what exactly does it mean for something to be life changing?

Over the years as I’ve provided intensive soul care to thousands of individuals and couples, I’ve witnessed five ingredients that make for an authentically life changing experience.

• Life Changing Moments Provide Clarity
• Life Changing Moments Provide Reorientation
• Life Changing Moments Provide Transformation
• Life Changing Moments Provide Motivation
• Life Changing Moments Provide  Direction

At Restoring the Soul we are thrilled to announce a brand new intensive workshop that we believe is life changing. Sex, Desire, and God is a three day intensive workshop for men struggling with lust, pornography, or other sexually compulsive behaviors.

Based upon the book Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle, the workshop combines powerful teaching, small groups, experiential activities, and ample opportunity to interact with staff.

So who do you know that needs a truly life changing experience related to Sex, Desire, and God?

Michael is a licensed professional counselor, spiritual director, speaker, and author whose  passion is to bridge the gap between the  broken realities of life and the reality of God’s Larger Story revealed in the person of Jesus.

Having experienced his own deep brokenness, and the restoring touch of God’s grace in his life and marriage, Michael serves  as President and Founder of Restoring the Soul, a ministry offering intensive soul care to Christian leaders worldwide.

As an author, Michael has written  Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle, and is a former contributing editor to The Mars Hill Review.

As a former hostage to the ivory tower of full-time academia, Michael currently serves as an adjunct professor at Denver Seminary where he teaches on addictions, human sexuality, and spiritual formation.

As a speaker and communicator, Michael has ministered to audiences around the world by blending lively humor, disarming transparency, and compelling biblical insight . Just a few of his previous speaking engagements include The Navigators, Campus Crusade for Christ, Youth for Christ, Young Life, Focus on the Family, Officers Christian Fellowship, Christian Medical Association, and numerous churches,  denominations, and para-church organizations.

Michael lives with his wife Julianne, and two children, in Littleton, Colorado, where he enjoys mountain biking and trail running in the Rocky Mountains, travel, and brewed caffeinated beverages at all hours of the day.